When I taught the Business Planning Class at Renaissance Entrepreneurship Center (a class I taught for over 30 years), I talked with students often about the importance of having a strong personal support system. That may not sound like a “hard-core” business topic but I believe it is central to success as a small business owner. One BP Class assignment was for each student to develop their own personal support system. That could mean finding a support partner or mentor, or developing a peer support group or a team of advisors. (See my post about these four types of personal support systems.)
As small business owners we are responsible for every aspect of our business. We develop our products and/or services, market our business, create good management and financial systems, and define our business culture. We are juggling so much and it can be overwhelming and also isolating, especially if we are a solo entrepreneur. Having other business owners around us (be it one person or a small group) who are dealing with similar challenges is very helpful. They understand what we are going through and will have advice and their own perspective to share. They can help us stay focused on our business goals and hold us accountable.
Recently, in conversation with Business Planning Class graduate, Tracy Lemmon, I was very pleased to learn that she still meets regularly with the peer support group that she started when she was a student in my class in 2012! Tracy told me that she and her support partners, Kay (a fellow BP Class grad) and Marina, credit their support group for their personal and professional success and happiness. Those are strong words!
With 10 years of experience supporting each other, I thought it would be helpful for other small business owners to learn how Tracy, Kay and Marina structure their group, tackle big and smaller issues, and also get their advice on how to start a group of one’s own. These three amazing women had so many details to share!
Here is my interview with…
- Tracy Lemmon, owner of Lemmon Employment Law & Conflict Resolution
- Kay Suk, Mediator, U.S. Court of Appeal for the Ninth Circuit (past owner of Forward Mediation)
- Marina Sarmiento Feehan, Senior Attorney, CA Department of General Services (past owner of Positive Counsel)
1. How do you structure your meetings?
MARINA: Before Covid we met monthly, in person. Monthly meetings allow us to do our homework and achieve goals in between meetings. Monthly keeps us accountable, and if we need more accountability, we text or call for more support during the month.
TRACY: When we first started in 2012 (during Kay’s and my Renaissance course with Paul), we met once a month and there was a strong focus on business issues, development, cash flow and marketing. As we got to know each other better (and got busier) we moved to quarterly meetings, with a January New Year stock taking / goal setting in-person meeting (with Wheel of Life comparisons each year) with dinner and something fun afterwards. We are back to monthly now, and that works for trying to implement what we discussed, accountability, and support.
2. What is your meeting agenda?
MARINA: We don’t really have an agenda for each meeting, but Kay did ask for more structure. I’ll leave it to Kay to give her reasons. Usually we follow a format of checking in and giving updates on our goals, obstacles, or we raise an issue that is currently bothering us.
TRACY: We don’t have a specific agenda but everyone has their “turn” to share good/bad, updates, challenges. We really share and celebrate successes and encourage “bragging” as we have become a 360 support group, well beyond just business. We do take notes for ourselves and each other to help with continuity and accountability.
KAY: As Marina mentioned, I do like to have more structure in a meeting than perhaps Marina and Tracy. So when I feel the need, the other two allow me to come up with an agenda and try to stick to it. We even have a spreadsheet with annual or monthly goals that we update from time to time. Over time, I realized that imposing an agenda on this group was not the best format. Nowadays, we use structure when necessary and if not, we do check ins and celebrations as Tracy indicated.
3. Do you use any business or meeting management tools? What has been most helpful?
TRACY: Wheel of Life is a key component to our January stock taking/goal setting meeting. We give numbers re: satisfaction in 8 areas, then list what is going on, and what we want to accomplish in each area in the new year. Now that we have been meeting for 10 years, it’s fun to look back on where we came from, and how we have evolved.
Our Goals Spreadsheet is helpful, too. I find that I usually fill it out shortly before our meetings (accountability!) We use a shared Google Doc so we can all see each other’s progress.
KAY – We also used the SMART goal system and kept track of action items especially in the beginning to break down our objectives to manageable follow-up activities.
MARINA: SMART means Specific – Measurable – Achievable – Relevant – Time bound Goals.
4. Have there been times when you haven’t met regularly? If so, why?
TRACY: We have all remained engaged and in touch. Sometimes we need to step back, slow down, or skip a meeting, and we all agree to reconnect or set our next date so we don’t ebb out.
KAY: Putting the next date on the calendar keeps us on track. In the beginning it was on a particular day of the month. These days, we set the next date on the calendar before we finish the meeting and prioritize it.
MARINA: This has been my longest running goal group. I attribute its longevity to (1) similar goals and desires in life (2) strong trust, and (3) strong bonds of friendship – we love each other.
5. How well did you know each other before you started meeting together? Were you all at the same stage of business or doing the same type of businesses?
MARINA: I met Kay at an Asian Bar Association women’s event and she was a total stranger. I liked what Kay had to say during the meeting and I approached her after the event as I found her interesting and wanted to be her friend. I don’t think she knew what hit her. Kay told me about Renaissance and the advice to get a support group and I told her about my previous successful Goal Groups. She suggested forming one with Tracy, who I did not know. But what a small world – Tracy went to UCLA law school with my brother (which is where I went) and my brother had good things to say about Tracy. I liked Tracy immediately when we met. I tend to trust my gut when I meet people and my gut was happy. We were all at the same stage of starting our businesses and although I was launching a career-life coaching business geared toward lawyers, it was in the same world so our business and marketing goals went well together.
TRACY: Yes, each of us were attorneys who wanted to make a new start in a new area, less law, more satisfaction, more mediation and resolution (for Kay and I), more personal connection and meaning for Marina. It was helpful to be at the same stage as no one was dispensing wisdom or advice, we were all muddling through it together, bonded by our Renaissance teachings!
6. From your perspectives, what are the qualities that matter when you are looking for other people to join a support group?
MARINA: Trustworthy, friendly, open-minded, goal oriented, has “worked” on themselves or willing to do so, self-aware and self-motivated, and smart.
TRACY: What Marina said. Not judgmental and not someone who tells you what to do, rather someone who listens to what your goals are, and helps you find your best way to achieve them. We do not “should on each other” in our group, for the most part. Except for Kay, the (loving) Enforcer!!!
KAY: Yes, I have a lot of the oldest sister energy. But Marina and Tracy have helped me to ease up! Having said that, I think having a process (Enforcer) person in the group that is committed to keeping a group going especially in the beginning before people know a lot about each other is helpful. Luckily, we were all pretty committed from the start, which was key.
7. How do you support one other during meetings?
TRACY: We really listen carefully and deeply, we listen to understand each other’s goals, emotions, trials and focus on helping each in her own way, rather than telling each other ideas what to do better. Of course that happens sometimes, but gently and as a suggestion. Reminding each other of past goals, successes, trials in a very loving way to help shape reflections and suggestions to each other.
KAY: I think we all strive for what Tracy said. But sometimes we fall short. During those times, we have learned to give each other grace and see the comments in the best light because we have built trust.
MARINA: We give each other hugs when needed; give examples of our own failures/successes if that will help give insight; we also celebrate and celebration is IMPORTANT. There were times when we lost sight of what we accomplished and were thinking in a glass half-empty way, and we’ve had to stop and look at what we’ve achieved. It can be too easy to focus on the negative, or what needs to be done and not appreciate where you’ve been and where you are now.
8. Have there ever been moments when you have been at odds or had to give someone else in the group “tough” advice?
MARINA: Oh this happens all the time and that is why TRUST and friendship is so important. We know each other really well by now and love each other dearly. We’ve been through so many ups and downs, wins and failures. We ask for reality checks from each other and value each other’s opinions and advice. I know I can get too direct at times. I’ll pull myself back as soon as I notice and apologize immediately. The great thing about this group is I learn from Tracy and Kay how to communicate better. I’m more of a thinker than a feeler and can come in guns blazing. Luckily, I have Kay and Tracy to temper my guns. There is so much trust and safety in the group that we can reveal things we might not raise with other people without fear of judgment; yes there may be hard truths or tough love but it’s done out of care and concern for the other person.
TRACY: Yes, we have sometimes pushed too hard, or pressed a sore subject to the point someone says the equivalent of “back off.” We apologize and reconnect naturally and well, so things never get to the point of hostilities, and certainly no gossip. We are all each other’s mutual support network, free to speak our truth about ourselves and to each other, and when that “truth” is not well received, we come in closer to figure out why, and to reframe or at least to reassure. It’s nice to be in a group with two mediators! There is very little conflict and what does arise makes us stronger.
KAY: Ditto. The level of vulnerability in the group is off the charts. We all have our own strong personalities but not too much ego. I think it helps that we are not in direct competition with each other in our businesses. We also share a lot of failures and trials which have helped us to bond.
9. What advice do you have for other small business owners who want to start a similar group?
TRACY: It is useful to find people who know, like and trust you early on. I think this is more important than being at the same stage, or in the same business or industry. Trusting and valuing each other is what makes these groups work. I’ve heard people talk about starting their “own personal Board of Directors” to keep them on track. That is nice, but this is more fluid, more organic and goes both ways.
KAY: I agree with Tracy. I initially would have thought meeting with people who are in the same business, market or someone who could teach me something would be more important than meeting with people I like. It’s a business group, not a social group. But the two kind of go together. I don’t think a purely business group would have lasted as long as ours. I think meeting with people you like and want to spend time with is key.
MARINA: This is my 5th or 6th Goal Group and it always helps to be with people similarly situated. It seemed each Goal Group ended up having a particular focus, even though it didn’t start out that way; it just seemed folks were seeking similar goals. One group was about dating and relationship success; another was about career advancement; one was about major change – career, divorce, marriage; most Goal Groups lasted about a year, then naturally stopped when the group members achieved their goals.
10. How has the pandemic changed how you meet and/or how you support one another?
TRACY: Luckily our relationships were strongly melded before the pandemic. We now meet usually by Zoom, but try to get together in person at least two times a year. We stepped up the frequency of our meetings for a while to offer more support during these times of isolation.
KAY: When we started the group, we all lived in San Francisco. Since then Tracy has moved to Oakland and Marina to Burlingame and now Sacramento. Thanks to Zoom, we can still meet.
MARINA: I do miss our monthly in person meetings. I would like to go back to having an in-person meeting three times a year, where we meet in person, either at each other’s home or at a fun location. Zoom is convenient but for me, nothing beats the energy of the in person meetings.
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